10 Ways to Maintain Sobriety

When we are in the mire of addiction, it can be difficult to see clearly. It's common for people early in recovery to ask, "What do I need to do?" It is a fair question. When we are in the addictive cycle, it can be hard to see life clearly and so we crave to have some clarity on how to move forward. 

Instead of offering a "to-do" list or a legalistic formula, I just want to share some common practices that people who maintain sobriety long-term engage in. There are many roads to recovery, so some of these might not fit for you. Think of it as trying on a new pair of shoes: sit with what it might be like to walk forward with some of these areas and see what sticks out to you. Maybe there's a practice here that you haven't explored yet and feels like the right fit for now. Are there any of these approaches that you haven't tried that might be worth focusing on for a time? 

Long-term sobriety definitely isn't limited to these, but here are 10 that came to mind (not in any particular order of importance): 

1. Growing in emotional awareness through the use of tools like journaling, feelings wheel, prayer, or the FASTER scale. Why it's important: the sooner you can recognize your emotional distress, the sooner you can make steps to take care of yourself in ways that aren't acting out. 

2. Making phone calls with people who understand recovery and not only want to know how you're doing sobriety-wise but emotionally as well. Why it's important: connecting with people who don't understand recovery or who serve as the "sobriety police" is draining. Connecting with people who understand you and are interested in your life is life-giving and builds connection.

3. Deepening understanding of the "why" of your addiction. Why it's important: Being able to answer the question, "Why do I do this?" helps clarify what the core emotional triggers are behind the behavior and helps you understand your story. 

4. Continuing attendance of support groups where you feel safe, understood, and supported, and have the opportunity to pour into others. Why it's important: The harshness of life continues even after sobriety is built, and your old patterns can quickly emerge if you are isolated. Plus, being in a group of newbies and veterans to recovery can help you keep perspective. 

5. A fervent commitment to honesty at all times. Why it's important: Staying sober is harder than getting sober, and the secret sauce that keeps you in the game is honesty. Being honest is an exercise in authenticity and makes change possible. 

6. Understanding your story and toxic shame messages that you have held onto since childhood. Why it's important: it has been said that addicts aren't born, they are created. Your childhood strategies to cope with trauma and insufficient attachment in relationships are the foundation of why you respond to life challenges today the way you do. Learning about your trauma and attachment difficulties will give you healing at a deeper level. That said, please don't engage in this step without proper support from a coach or therapist as it can be triggering and distressing. 

7. Rediscovering a relationship with God that is not shame-based. Why it is important: a lot of men from faith backgrounds have a lot of religious baggage that is shame-focused. To recover spiritually, you may need to deconstruct the baggage you are carrying and take a spiritual trek to rediscover the amazing loving God that you've always longed for. 

8. A continual commitment to holistic health and wellness. Why it's important: it is a lot easier to go to addictive paths when we are drained. Taking care of yourself spiritually, mentally, emotionally, physically, and socially becomes a primary means of "preventative medicine." 

9. Rediscovering your values, strengths, and passions in life. Why it is important: addiction is a lot more attractive when we feel unmotivated and a lack of purpose in life. Identifying the strengths that you possess, clarifying what is truly important to you, and rediscovering what "gives you life" can guide you toward a more fulfilling life.

10. Returning to core recovery tools as needed. Why it's important: tools like a relapse prevention plan, relapse response plan, an emergency plan, self care plan, or travel plan are all tools you may have used to "get sober." But life can keep throwing us a "perfect storm" of distressing challenges that can make it easier for addiction to pop back up again. There's no shame in leaning into recovery tools when you face vulnerable moments in life.